I Cried (or 13 YEARS!**)

Another cake is in the oven, for lo, another birthday week is upon us!  As I ponder my relationship with flour of late, it occurs to me that 'though my relationship with cakery has changed over the past couple of years, I still love it.  I have a whole Facebook photo album dedicated to the cakes I used to make for friends on various occasions, cakes that would take hours of dying, rolling, cutting and shaping fondant to whatever design sat in my mind.  It was good times.  But all the underlying cake and icing came from boxes and and cans save one, which sucked.  And all contained mass amounts of refined, processed everything, chemicals included.  I knew that then, but it was special occasion stuff, not every day stuff.  And in the process of shaping cake for covering with fondant, a lot of it went in the trash.  But no big, it was cheap, and I baked a lot of it for starters.

Man, now I cringe just thinking of that last sentence.  Now everything I bake is a very big deal, none of it is cheap, and every crumb gets eaten, even the ones that hit the floor. (By a grateful two-year-old defective Retriever) Take for instance the cake that just went in.  It's 90% organic, and I made 3/4 of the flour that went into it.  I sat there with my blender and made it in small batches, it was messy, time consuming, and then I had to make a flour blend and then I had to measure the flour blend for a half cake for Sasha's school plus a whole cake for Sasha's little party, two days before I even THOUGHT about actually making any cake!  I have a personal and intimate relationship with flour, and am becoming more and more proud of the cakes I make now because they are becoming more the art I once enjoyed making so much.  Funny 'though even when I was making Ace of Cakes style cakes, I always thought it would be cool to make my own cakes from scratch.  Anyone else see a twisted sense of humor at work here?

I kind of just caught on to that one.  First I realize that all my mad skills at being an information junkie are being put to good use as a mom of two kids with opposing food allergies.  Hah, very funny God.  Now I catch on that my love of Cakery is up and running, REALLY running in ways that are much more beneficial than ever before, since everything is now Waaaaaaaaay from scratch, organic, and gluten free.  If Em can make it to two more days sans migraine, she will have gone all of August and most of July migraine-free, which is phenomenal.  And even more phenomenal than that believe it or not, is the mind blowingest statistic of all:  I went an entire hormone week without prescription meds, or heavy non-prescription meds.  That hasn't happened in 13 years.  13 YEARS!!!!!  Yes, it's just sinking in, and yes, I am crying right now.  I can hardly believe it.  For the first time in my life, something is starting to work.

It's not that I'd lost hope completely, it's just that to survive, I'd stuffed it in a trunk way out of sight so I wouldn't have to look at it or deal with it regularly.  When every day is more exhausting than the english language has sufficient words for, hoping that this new med or method will actually help in the long run just tears at your heart more every time you even look at it, and it fails.  But no matter, because Heaven awaits, and somehow you keep trucking on because the Lord provides.  But look, look at us.  My body has fewer meds in it because I'm one preventative med down from doing so well on Botox, fewer residual chemicals since we eat as much organic as we can get our hands on, and fewer meds from the best hormone week in 13 years.  Emily was getting 4 migraine days month, and then she stopped.  Her behavior and her school work has improved greatly, and she isn't even the one who was scratching her skin off from the wheat and corn! *shock*  *disbelief-except-I-know-it's-happening*  I still have to take a nap every day, (for now) but naps make you smart and beautiful.  Google it. (;

**Wait a second, I just had a birthday.  Make that 14 years.  Wow...