My children know neither the voices nor even all the names of our family members, similarly they know neither the voicer nor even all the names of the instruments I play. Family and music have always defined me. But being head over tail in the care of my girls in all our illness and disease has made it clear that people prioritize things differently. I gave up music for the literal survival of my children, and my family gave us up because...we became too big a burden?
I have one cousin who has come to our aid when we call for help, so I see her more frequently. One of the many who live in town. I understand that people's lives need not revolve around ours. But I have friends who treat us better, who text just to see how we're doing. Who are planning their gardens around feeding Sasha. And it probably wouldn't be so bad if family didn't give us lip service. Please don't say you're going to visit or get together or help out if you're not going to visit or get together or help out, it is that simple!
Everyone in my family takes vacations. Everyone in my family SHOULD take vacations. But for the love of God, it sucks as a chronically ill caretaker of disabled children who will never take a vacation, to be told that family will come visit, only to have almost no one in 6 years come visit while watching everyone on their regular vacations. JUST FUCKING SAYING. While I'm trying to keep Sasha from throwing up the throw up meds in the middle of the night while simultaneously worrying how I'm going to pay for my next neurologist visit because US "health care" is out of control, THIS IS WHY I have no fucks left that I piss of the Republicans in the family. They are coming up with ways to destroy America, unprecedented ways. I have nothing left to lose.
Awkward family reunion? Oh you mean I might get to attend this year because we have slightly more manageable migraines no thanks to anyone we're going to go see? All I have left in life beside managing pain and puke by the hour is fighting for social justice that might one day benefit us and our fellow nonwhite males, through the intertubes and by calling the government. So I call the white house, congress, and committees, I sign petitions, leave comments, and I have discussions with people and call people out.
And I am so far from being alone. I have many friends who are having a worse time than me with their families over this administration. We are in a major turning point in history, and it Sucks. It is terrible and unfortunate and some Republicans have been hoping for this for a long time. They are an evil that must be stopped. At all cost. They are more dangerous and insidious than I think even most mild mannered American realize.
Feeling normal is a luxury I don't have. Having grown up conversations regularly is you guessed it, a luxury I don't have. And unfortunately I am already so broken and unsupported that I will fight poorly. I regret nothing. Now, I have to take migraine meds and get to work.
