I'm definitely depressed, but starting to come out of it. Finally, FINALLY seeing my old neurologist again was a real boost. That was such a boost for many reasons, not the least because I am getting botox either this week or next lord willing! I am getting help. Medical professionals are being helpful! :,-D It feels like an absolute miracle. And this week is my mom's spring break, so it's like a staycation, where I can just worry about not feeling like crap. (glorious!) That is important, considering I have already had 15 rescue med days this month, (11 in a row so far. Jesus, 12 since I started freaking writing uuuugh!!!!!) and shark week is coming up fast. The numbers this month are going to approach record levels, so again, I'm done apologizing for missing things like birthday parties, playdates, and visits about the country. I'm done apologizing for inconveniencing people's schedules especially when they mistake us for a normal family because they do not understand the implications of Food Allergies and Chronic Debilitating Migraines under one roof! I can't feel badly about it anymore because that is not helpful to me or my family. Feeling good about things is helpful and I know, I KNOW I've done a good job doing everything I can to manage and get better. It just FEELS like there is no escape and it will never get any better.
We are here, and here isn't as bad as it could be. It's definitely sad, or, it definitely was. I feel a little bit like Elsa only without any discernible power, and instead of freezing everything and running away, I'm just letting everything go and staying put. So, not really like Elsa at all. I said FEELING ok?! Basically I just don't care anymore. Actually I never cared much, and now I don't care at all. So anyway, the girls are being way more helpful more or less! As in, once Mom and I confiscated every single stuffed animal, threw out most of their toys, and took all their money, they really started helping out around the house! Dishes, laundry, cleaning their room and the house in general, you name it. I am very much Not joking. Sasha feels much better in their easy-to-clean room, and they even get excited about picking up the animal poop. Ah, perspective and priorities are wonderful things!
Aw shoot, is that what Jesus did to me? He took away all the things I liked so I would start being helpful and doing what he told me?!?!! Thats crap man. Was I really as disobedient and awful and mean and lazy as my kids? The flood story makes so much sense now. :-/
So anyway, I finally saw my once and future and now current Neurologist whom I love dearly. Her office lady (who has already received flowers) is working her magic to wrangle both insurances so that I can have botulism injected into my face as soon and as cheaply as possible. I haven't run out of meds nor feared running out in a while since I'm really figuring out how to use rescue meds in conjuntion with mmj and my new brain tiara. My Cefaly unit (brain tiara) will hopefully start preventing migraine in another month right about when the (lord willing) Botox kicks in. So like, by the end of June I predict 14 migraine days or fewer!
In summary, if all things work out as well as possible, I should be getting 14 or fewer migraine days a month by the end of June. [read: sadly, that is great improvement] April will be another record month and May might still be as well. And that right there is why I give two farts about anything beside getting the kids fed, dressed, and to school. My poor wonderful Mom. HI MOM!!!
ps. I have a sore throat. Also I want to chop my hair OFF!
