It would be easy to say that 5 year olds shouldn't get migraines that make them vomit. But way crappier things happen to 5 year olds all over the US and definitely all over the world. I will be honest 'though, it was horrid and freaky to hold Sasha as she cried because her head hurt. But I feel that this was a learning experience. For instance, when Sasha first complains that her tummy hurts before complaining of head pain, don't bother giving her Tylenol because she's just going to throw it up along with everything else in her digestive tract. #failenol It also reinforced the fact that we've got a great dog. She escorted me around during vomit clean up, and didn't even try to eat any of it. Such a good girl.
There are some definite upsides to all this. Like if meds aren't going to work, all the better. Meds have corn in them for the most part, and we may as well save the corn-free Tylenol for real scares, like another earache, God forbid. And this was short, less than two hours start to finish. Well, more or less. After the bath, dinner, and headstands on the sofa, she said her head was hurting a little again. I put a stop to the headstands and we talked about not overdoing things after a migraine. But she's 5. She's 5 and she's Sasha. Thankfully she's asleep. I do hope and pray that nothing comes back tomorrow, no pain or nausea or puke, and that nothing new pops up. This is her second migraine in 4 months. And for #casaespinoza, that is not a bad track record at all. *shocked and horrified face* Because what would we do if she ever needed meds? Everything has corn in it, everything! It would be an absolutely amazing blessing if she gets migraines like Grandma; infrequently, no prescriptions required, just pain, then vomit, then good to go.
Boy, the things you never think to pray for. "Dear Jesus, please let Sasha get migraines like my Mom, instead of like me." Dang, little bug just got out of bed...she can't sleep and her head hurts still, but just medium, and not super large like earlier. She likes the music from The Devil Wears Prada, the movie Mom and I were watching. We'll be switching to Happy Feet momentarily. *sigh* It could be so much worse. Thank God it's not worse, and that the dog is here for a good snuggle, and that she doesn't eat vomit. Such a refined palette.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
"Put another nickel in..."
It has been brought to my attention that to some, everything in life does not directly correlate to a song or a movie quote.
Me: "Hey mom, are you using the internet right now or can I flip it off and back on? It's not working for me."
My Mom: "Flip it."
Me: (...into shape, shape it up. Get straight. Go forward, move ahead...)
As I flip the switch that makes the internet go off and then back on, I head to the kitchen to get a move on making my tea. There are 37 seconds left on the timer for my tea bag. Which obviously brings to mind the scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail.
King Arthur: "Old Woman!"
Dennis: "Man."
King Arthur: "What?"
Dennis: "I'm a man."
King Arthur: "Oh, sorry. Old Man, whose castle is that there?"
Dennis: "I'm 37, I'm not old."
I'm totally not making this up. And what goes through everybody's heads all day if you're not thinking of songs and movie lines? For instance, someone's car alarm was just going off and it was annoying the heck out of me. But it was about 90 beats per minute and for whatever reason reminded me of a song from Hobbit, although it was definitely too fast. Which brings me to knitting.
Knitting also has a rhythm, and maybe that's why I've found it to be so comforting of late. Also to avoid giving myself carpal shoulder if that's even a thing, I have to consciously and constantly relax every bit of my arms and shoulders while knitting. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that I could stab someone's eyes out with my bamboo needles while looking like a harmless knitter is a back-of-my-mind bonus. Knitting is something I've re-picked up as a survival mechanism to get me through this no-botox phase. I've also quit the band at church, and am willing to ditch just about anything, which has had a couple of interesting effects.
1. It's made feeding my kids more enjoyable. I feel like we've kind of kicked ass in the food department, but not been able to enjoy it. Tonight I experimented with leftover mashed potatoes. They were soooo good. And we got to mix them up with my neighbor's fresh from her garden bok choy. It does not get much better than that. I had to pay a friend to clean my kitchen first, and skip a school meeting to do so but guess what? No effing migraine. *sigh* Mission accomplished, and NO MOMMY GUILT. It's such a battle bc I love my daughter's school and the fabulous people who do so much there. But I am ZERO help to anyone with a migraine. Especially to my own family.
2. In my withdrawal from large community, I have connected much more to people one-on-one. It's better for my head (because I just get WAY too excited around groups of people!!) and it hasn't really been on purpose. But I dig.
Ok so three things. And the 3d is that I'm praying more. Or maybe I'm praying differently more. I'm quiet during prayer more. And what I've observed in more quiet is that right now I'm in a huge "change and let go" phase. Because right when I think I've got a handle on something, the game changes and I have to let go of more stuff. It leads to very balanced living I guess, where you plan as much as you can, but really really live in the present. Or as Pumbaa would say, "You have to leave your behind, in your past." or something like that.
Speaking of planning, I get to have yet another visit with the ole' GP tomorrow and beg for samples of my triptan since barring a divine healing I will be running out of my regular stash before I get a refill. Wait, I can refill in 8 days and I have two left. There's a chance I'll make it, it just depends on what kinds of 8 days it is, and since I cut them in half and get potentially 4 doses out of them...hm...hmmm...I'm also going to see how she feels about medical marijuana. Then I have to see how I feel about it. I with I could get the strain from Colorado that doesn't get you high called Charlotte's Web from Realm of Caring, but they only serve residents of Colorado. Damn. Because what if the oil worked for me, like at all? I've never been high (on illegal drugs) in my life. Not to worry Wilbur. Tonight I cooked dinner, have a clean kitchen, am ready to knit, drink tea, and eat a cookie. And I haven't been on migraine meds in 29 hours. Booyah.
(cue 'Pump Up The Jam') (cue image of me on a dance floor, dancing awesomely, whilst knitting.)
Me: "Hey mom, are you using the internet right now or can I flip it off and back on? It's not working for me."
My Mom: "Flip it."
Me: (...into shape, shape it up. Get straight. Go forward, move ahead...)
As I flip the switch that makes the internet go off and then back on, I head to the kitchen to get a move on making my tea. There are 37 seconds left on the timer for my tea bag. Which obviously brings to mind the scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail.
King Arthur: "Old Woman!"
Dennis: "Man."
King Arthur: "What?"
Dennis: "I'm a man."
King Arthur: "Oh, sorry. Old Man, whose castle is that there?"
Dennis: "I'm 37, I'm not old."
I'm totally not making this up. And what goes through everybody's heads all day if you're not thinking of songs and movie lines? For instance, someone's car alarm was just going off and it was annoying the heck out of me. But it was about 90 beats per minute and for whatever reason reminded me of a song from Hobbit, although it was definitely too fast. Which brings me to knitting.
Knitting also has a rhythm, and maybe that's why I've found it to be so comforting of late. Also to avoid giving myself carpal shoulder if that's even a thing, I have to consciously and constantly relax every bit of my arms and shoulders while knitting. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that I could stab someone's eyes out with my bamboo needles while looking like a harmless knitter is a back-of-my-mind bonus. Knitting is something I've re-picked up as a survival mechanism to get me through this no-botox phase. I've also quit the band at church, and am willing to ditch just about anything, which has had a couple of interesting effects.
1. It's made feeding my kids more enjoyable. I feel like we've kind of kicked ass in the food department, but not been able to enjoy it. Tonight I experimented with leftover mashed potatoes. They were soooo good. And we got to mix them up with my neighbor's fresh from her garden bok choy. It does not get much better than that. I had to pay a friend to clean my kitchen first, and skip a school meeting to do so but guess what? No effing migraine. *sigh* Mission accomplished, and NO MOMMY GUILT. It's such a battle bc I love my daughter's school and the fabulous people who do so much there. But I am ZERO help to anyone with a migraine. Especially to my own family.
2. In my withdrawal from large community, I have connected much more to people one-on-one. It's better for my head (because I just get WAY too excited around groups of people!!) and it hasn't really been on purpose. But I dig.
Ok so three things. And the 3d is that I'm praying more. Or maybe I'm praying differently more. I'm quiet during prayer more. And what I've observed in more quiet is that right now I'm in a huge "change and let go" phase. Because right when I think I've got a handle on something, the game changes and I have to let go of more stuff. It leads to very balanced living I guess, where you plan as much as you can, but really really live in the present. Or as Pumbaa would say, "You have to leave your behind, in your past." or something like that.
Speaking of planning, I get to have yet another visit with the ole' GP tomorrow and beg for samples of my triptan since barring a divine healing I will be running out of my regular stash before I get a refill. Wait, I can refill in 8 days and I have two left. There's a chance I'll make it, it just depends on what kinds of 8 days it is, and since I cut them in half and get potentially 4 doses out of them...hm...hmmm...I'm also going to see how she feels about medical marijuana. Then I have to see how I feel about it. I with I could get the strain from Colorado that doesn't get you high called Charlotte's Web from Realm of Caring, but they only serve residents of Colorado. Damn. Because what if the oil worked for me, like at all? I've never been high (on illegal drugs) in my life. Not to worry Wilbur. Tonight I cooked dinner, have a clean kitchen, am ready to knit, drink tea, and eat a cookie. And I haven't been on migraine meds in 29 hours. Booyah.
(cue 'Pump Up The Jam') (cue image of me on a dance floor, dancing awesomely, whilst knitting.)
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Rule 9
See 'cause I could shower right now but I feel like that would just be temping Monday to show up at my pillow at 6:20AM again, as he has done for the past two mornings in a row, trying to rip and burn a hole in my head and face. It's about as awesome as it sounds and while today one kid actually made it to school and tomorrow it's my goal that both make it to school, I'd rather do it with questionable odor and less trace of Monday than the other way around. That is to say less odor, and more Monday. That is also to say more question and fewer meds. Damn, these are things I had not calculated when I wrote my rules for surviving without Botox. It makes me sangry. To be sangry [sad+angry] over not having the energy to shower is probably a #firstworldproblem. But everyone has to deal with Monday. Monday is a direct result of sin. Monday is a real asshole. There will be no "Monday" in heaven.
Anyway, my rules aren't holding up real well. Well, maybe just a couple of them aren't:
Rule 1. Never talk about fight club. (obviously. still intact this one)
Rule 2. Never take a whole Relpax. (i only get 9 a month. and i already broke this one.)
Rule 3. Try not to drive on Toradol. (so far so good.)
Rule 4. EAT. Especially on Toradol. (more or less good.)
Rule 5. Don't look down. (ugh....)
Rule 6. Exhaust your options. (always, always an exhausting work in progress)
Rule 7. When you fail, give up, do something fun, and try again later. (hard to do actually.)
Rule 8. Watch Star Wars. (again, obviously. done and done.)
The rule about not looking down crashed and burned today. As we prayed about Emily's stomach hurting and Sasha's ears still (STILL!) hurting, it just felt like we were dying, my whole little family. We survived September and 8 days into October...8 days into October I understand the verse "...so do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own." Well no shit. Tomorrow is an absolute blank and I pretty much don't give a friggin' care about much beyond waking up WITHOUT Monday still trying to claw my inner brains out. Funny, the passage just before that verse is Jesus telling his disciples not to worry about what they will eat, drink, or wear, but to pursue the Father's kingdom and righteousness instead. 'Cause he had their back Jack. Talk about not looking down.
What would Jesus say to me? Don't worry about if your meds are gonna last?
Charli 1: "That's dumb dude, he would just heal you."
charli 2: "You're dumb dude, you were born now, and he HASN'T healed you yet."
Well what he said to his disciples who wrote it down and spread it to the whole world was to not worry. And what he prayed for in John 17 was for the fine folks who would believe in him through their testimony. So Monday-dressed-as-Wednesday Oct 9 can suck it. I will not tempt Monday by exerting the energy to shower, neither will I worry whether or not the meds will run out. I will await my miracle in the bliss that is the complete opposite of ignorant. Every second that feels like death is a step closer to survival, and I will look up, I will fight for it tooth and nail. Shoot, and there went Rule 1.
Rule 9. Look up.
Make Emily coffee in the morning to make sure her stomach ache doesn't come back.
Rule 9. Look up.
Procure non-candy items for Trunk-or-Treat because my NIGHT MOPS ladies wanted my girls to be able to actually participate (gasp!!!) so they outlawed candy because there isn't a candy on this earth that Sasha can have unless I make it. Tears. Right now. Of joy...
Rule 9. Done.
Anyway, my rules aren't holding up real well. Well, maybe just a couple of them aren't:
Rule 1. Never talk about fight club. (obviously. still intact this one)
Rule 2. Never take a whole Relpax. (i only get 9 a month. and i already broke this one.)
Rule 3. Try not to drive on Toradol. (so far so good.)
Rule 4. EAT. Especially on Toradol. (more or less good.)
Rule 5. Don't look down. (ugh....)
Rule 6. Exhaust your options. (always, always an exhausting work in progress)
Rule 7. When you fail, give up, do something fun, and try again later. (hard to do actually.)
Rule 8. Watch Star Wars. (again, obviously. done and done.)
The rule about not looking down crashed and burned today. As we prayed about Emily's stomach hurting and Sasha's ears still (STILL!) hurting, it just felt like we were dying, my whole little family. We survived September and 8 days into October...8 days into October I understand the verse "...so do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own." Well no shit. Tomorrow is an absolute blank and I pretty much don't give a friggin' care about much beyond waking up WITHOUT Monday still trying to claw my inner brains out. Funny, the passage just before that verse is Jesus telling his disciples not to worry about what they will eat, drink, or wear, but to pursue the Father's kingdom and righteousness instead. 'Cause he had their back Jack. Talk about not looking down.
What would Jesus say to me? Don't worry about if your meds are gonna last?
Charli 1: "That's dumb dude, he would just heal you."
charli 2: "You're dumb dude, you were born now, and he HASN'T healed you yet."
Well what he said to his disciples who wrote it down and spread it to the whole world was to not worry. And what he prayed for in John 17 was for the fine folks who would believe in him through their testimony. So Monday-dressed-as-Wednesday Oct 9 can suck it. I will not tempt Monday by exerting the energy to shower, neither will I worry whether or not the meds will run out. I will await my miracle in the bliss that is the complete opposite of ignorant. Every second that feels like death is a step closer to survival, and I will look up, I will fight for it tooth and nail. Shoot, and there went Rule 1.
Rule 9. Look up.
Make Emily coffee in the morning to make sure her stomach ache doesn't come back.
Rule 9. Look up.
Procure non-candy items for Trunk-or-Treat because my NIGHT MOPS ladies wanted my girls to be able to actually participate (gasp!!!) so they outlawed candy because there isn't a candy on this earth that Sasha can have unless I make it. Tears. Right now. Of joy...
Rule 9. Done.
Friday, October 4, 2013
If she weights the same as a duck...
I have been weighed and measured this week in so many ways, and am happy to report that I have been found to weigh and have matter! I have also stood up to the thorough (and helpful) goings over by a nutritionist, and even managed more seriously than ever, to play at being my own neurologist. As in, a re-start of what is now a $42-a-month-prescription-serious. Thank you Tricare. [read: Expletive Tricare.] I'm sure it was important that that med doubled in price over the last year, but I digress. [read: Mail Order Pharmacy.]
It turns out that being a voracious information hound has its place in this world, especially if you're in-between neurologists and trying to bring your number of migraine days back down from 15 a month to around 8. Or maybe more especially if you're a food allergy mom and your neighbor's family is here for a visit and needs to use your wifi. I love my neighbor, and her entire family it seems! The more of them I meet, the more I like. We've had really good visits, and it turns out that one is a pharmacist, and one is a nutritionist. Jackpot! Well, I haven't exactly learned much, but I've been EXTREMELY validated. Like, way super. And that help unlooked for was just what I needed.
In one fun, sort of med-sparring conversation we brought the nutritionist up to speed on my med situation while talking to the pharmacist about the classes of drugs I've been on, was currently on, and was about to lobby my GP for with regard to migraines due to my neurologist situation. But before all that I spilled my guts and life story to the nutritionist and had good answers for why the girls and I lived here, how I manage their allergies, how we eat what and why, etc. I did understandably confuse the nutritionist quite a bit tho' about our eating habits. She got as far as "like Vegetarians who eat Meat" and I didn't even bother delving into "More like Paleoites who eat limited grains and legumes but no nuts." She was very sweet and gave me some ideas on how to cook beets. And at the end of it all, it made me sort of review everything which was good since I've been trying to deal with the big blow of not having Botox available 'till at least the new year, and that's best-case-scenario, assuming the gub'ment remembers how to work before too long. (fingers crossed!)
I feel better now, I truly do. Laying my case out to people who didn't know the particulars, seeing that my research has paid off, my GP giving me the go-ahead on the wth-expensive old-new med and new supplement...I don't feel as crazy, as desperate. I mean, holy cat brains, I've had 3 migraine days out of 4 so far in October! But I'm still excited about trying the sautéed beet greens. And hello, I started watching Sherlock. Khan and Bilbo are in it!!! And my blessed and beautiful mom is letting me pay less rent so I can resume regular massage therapy. Just the thought is relaxing. Mmmm...meditating, knitting, massage, throwing away the toys on the floor...yes. Yes I will survive and make the paleo pumpkin/squash bars that I've already roasted the squash for...mmm...
But first I'll watch Sherlock.
It turns out that being a voracious information hound has its place in this world, especially if you're in-between neurologists and trying to bring your number of migraine days back down from 15 a month to around 8. Or maybe more especially if you're a food allergy mom and your neighbor's family is here for a visit and needs to use your wifi. I love my neighbor, and her entire family it seems! The more of them I meet, the more I like. We've had really good visits, and it turns out that one is a pharmacist, and one is a nutritionist. Jackpot! Well, I haven't exactly learned much, but I've been EXTREMELY validated. Like, way super. And that help unlooked for was just what I needed.
In one fun, sort of med-sparring conversation we brought the nutritionist up to speed on my med situation while talking to the pharmacist about the classes of drugs I've been on, was currently on, and was about to lobby my GP for with regard to migraines due to my neurologist situation. But before all that I spilled my guts and life story to the nutritionist and had good answers for why the girls and I lived here, how I manage their allergies, how we eat what and why, etc. I did understandably confuse the nutritionist quite a bit tho' about our eating habits. She got as far as "like Vegetarians who eat Meat" and I didn't even bother delving into "More like Paleoites who eat limited grains and legumes but no nuts." She was very sweet and gave me some ideas on how to cook beets. And at the end of it all, it made me sort of review everything which was good since I've been trying to deal with the big blow of not having Botox available 'till at least the new year, and that's best-case-scenario, assuming the gub'ment remembers how to work before too long. (fingers crossed!)
I feel better now, I truly do. Laying my case out to people who didn't know the particulars, seeing that my research has paid off, my GP giving me the go-ahead on the wth-expensive old-new med and new supplement...I don't feel as crazy, as desperate. I mean, holy cat brains, I've had 3 migraine days out of 4 so far in October! But I'm still excited about trying the sautéed beet greens. And hello, I started watching Sherlock. Khan and Bilbo are in it!!! And my blessed and beautiful mom is letting me pay less rent so I can resume regular massage therapy. Just the thought is relaxing. Mmmm...meditating, knitting, massage, throwing away the toys on the floor...yes. Yes I will survive and make the paleo pumpkin/squash bars that I've already roasted the squash for...mmm...
But first I'll watch Sherlock.
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