Time to (not) freak out! (?) .

Sometimes baby flying zebra unicorns get bald spots over night.  At least that's what the celiac website forum said.  I'll be making a Dr. appointment to rule out other things, hooray, another doctor appointment...and tomorrow Sasha will feast on liver and onions and increase her biotin intake since she hasn't been taking her vitamins because they have corn products in them.  We will now be finding out exactly how much corn product she can handle.  Em and I eat the same diet and didn't get bald spots last night, and I don't take vitamins either.  But we don't mind the gluten that's still probably hiding in the hair products.  I tried to order gluten free hair products off Amazon, and no joke, one had pomegranate (Em's allergic) one had nut oil (Em's also allergic) and the other had a one star rating.  It's not that my life pisses me off sometimes, it's that my life pisses me off all the time.

Like the playdate the girls went to today.  It's hard to be happy about the fact that they had a great time and the fact that I had a great time while I was there because I was there WAAAAAY longer than I was supposed to be.  The car appointment kept my Mom (she was supposed to take the girls) by an extra several hours and my lame-o nap was Over an hour overdue, during effing hormone week no less!  I sit here and type, stressed about Sasha's sweet head, while my own is burning, burning, burning.  My sweet friends made sure there were no nuts present so my girls could enjoy the super fun times, but if I could have a do-over, who would choose extra migraine pain!?

One of my best friends just asked me how I was doing, and not like a passing greeting either.  'Though I didn't want to, I had to stop and think about it.  I came to the conclusion that it feels like I am becoming an eternal asshole of the mind.  I used to be an encourager.  Now I'm fighting back panic at every turn, and trying not to despise God for not hurrying the f**k up and rescuing me.  When really, Emily just had one abdominal migraine, and is otherwise fine.  She's stubborn and awful, but that's good and normal.  Sasha's tummy aches are gone, her skin is clear of terrible rashes and scabs.  And also some hair on her head.  Well there are some steps to take and in about 3 months hopefully her whatever levels will be all balanced and/or I will have perfected the art of making my own shampoo from the organic liquid castile soap I just ordered.

It sure feels like the shit hit the fan.  I so desperately want to go back to when I had the worst of the problems in this house, and the kids were fine, and we just had one fairly easily manageable death-by-nut allergy.  But that's not even true.  I want so much more.  I want to shake all this shit off and escape this world entirely.  We were not meant for this.  And Emily's stomach hurts again.