I returned to music and it hurt like hell. It's kind of like having a baby, that feeling of any pain being worth it. I mean, it's not quite as extreme, and I didn't play any music for years because I had to take care of my actual children and manage all our illnesses. Look, it's complicated. It wasn't exhilaration either, playing my violin for the first time in years, it was more like, maybe regrowing a limb? So maybe exhilaration was part of it, but that seems trite compared to the depths of what all was going on. Which is probably why, like an idiot, I played and recorded an entire ukulele song the following morning and subsequently DIED, and will be playing nothing today. I am however allowed to sing today and here is what's cool. I first recorded myself singing (in this new era) on Dec 20, and I got a migraine from it. My brains were getting better even tho I was still getting migraines but I kept singing. I had six migraine rescue med days in December (down from ten in November), four in January, and even tho I absolutely abused my body the past two days and definitely took regular pain meds for it, I did not get a migraine. Repeat, I did not get a migraine.
Also, I slept all night and much like playing the violin, I honestly do not recall the last time that happened. We're talking over seven hours in a row. It feels like a hug, like a really good hug from someone who knows you and likes you anyway. Not sleeping anymore has really screwed up my ability to think straight and make complete sentences and stuff. This is particularly bad considering the amount of medical details I have to chart and keep straight for all the appointments I have to schedule and keep straight. I have no idea what happened either, I just stopped getting good sleep one night about three weeks ago and it's been on and off but mostly off ever since. I'm mostly not napping either and if I ever do nap, it's brief. I used to have a weird night of sleep every so often for no apparent reason, or if I overdid things that day, oddly. My only guess is the long built up stress of plague and sick children.
Child Two is in so much pain. Every day is just managing pain and it takes so much work. We manage the shit out of it too. Art therapy, baths, sun time, meditation, hammock and music time, finally therapists are available again to help manage depression, we have a plan to do math so the state of California isn't mad at me on top of everything else...Jesus. Child one is doing phenomenally better since being pulled from school for sabbatical to learn to manage disabling ME/CFS and ADHD plus bonus global plague. By the way, we did that. I mean, we're a registered private school and we are continuing education but it's no longer the crippling additive it was. One less crippling additive thanks. There are kind of still too many tho. *breathing that shit out* Ok, singing only today.
Child Two has a trigger point injection in T minus five days and those five days are going to suck ass. Then it's going to take a couple weeks at least for that injection to kick in. Good god, I hate this song. I think we're learned that for winter, we need to schedule injections back on our 6-8 week cycle, whereas we can stretch them back out to 10 in the summer when it's not storming because weather fucks up that head of hers. *more deep breaths* I'm going to dive back into my new TikTok music crushes, because they are giving me life and sustaining me and motivating me right now. Oh my god, Ben Mather you absolute beautiful freak. He also has a YouTube channel that is worth it for the heartfelt kazoo solos alone. 💕
https://www.tiktok.com/@bensrightbrain?lang=en
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