Sunday, January 11, 2015

And everyone said

I'm fine with Emily losing wheat, so long as it's only wheat.  [read: I'm sure it's going to be more than wheat.  It's already been wheat and hummus!]  We've lost wheat before, and I've suspected for some time that it hasn't been doing Em any favors.  But when she started getting spots on her face like Sasha gets with corn, Mom finally got on board with cutting it out.  Except for that time she slipped her a piece of bread to make sure.  She's sure now.

I'm fine with Emily losing wheat because for the love of God, we now have some return to sanity in this house!  Sasha's still nutso quite often (because said mom still just HAS to keep trying foods with her too *COUGH*) but we were losing Em just due to behavior problems.  Nothing was working to control it either, not a damn thing.  Lo and behold, just like we got Sasha back after clearing her of wheat and corn when she was little, we're getting Emily back, only much more quickly.

But I don't like the fact that she's 8, and that we haven't nailed everything yet.  Hummus makes her chin itch, and she has an occasional dry spot on her chin as well.  Maybe the dry chin will clear up the longer she goes without wheat and hummus, but the whole peanut allergy vs the itchy hummus has me concerned.  [read: they are both legumes] There are so many things it could be, and as I've learned now, it's definitely not nothing.  I don't like that new food things are bothering Emily, who hasn't had a migraine in over a year, who is rocking school, who is the "easy kid" in that she's only anaphylactic to several foods, none of which are corn omg please don't ever let it be corn expletiveexpletiveexpletive!!! [read: I'm already THAT food-allergy parent at school.  They have no idea, NO idea whatsoever...]

I don't like the fact that there are new symptoms on a new kid to track when I've just had the worst round of the most frequent and severe migraines in my life,  to finish the worst financial, physical, and emotional year of my life.  Not that there isn't hope, I mean, I've gone one day this year without rescue meds so far.  And I do have a plan.  I'm taking every single goddamn supplement I've ever taken that didn't seem to work but could not possibly unwork as badly as lately.  And I've never concentrated my prayer life on emotional healing from being in a farcical, shit marriage, and then the overwhelming stress of being a debilitated single mom to two migraine/extreme food-allergy kids, so I imagine that will help.  Healing of any sort will be helpful.

There were five days in December in which I did not take rescue meds.  There has been one day this year in which I have not taken any.  I assume I'll be able to refill tomorrow, as I am all out at present.  Healing of any sort, for any one, will be helpful.  I don't feel like I know what Paul meant in Romans, that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.  But I feel like I do know what it is to actually, Actually trust God, and be thankful for the opportunity to take him at his word.  Maybe we will make it through the shitfest, scathed but unforsaken.  Amen.

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