Saturday, June 7, 2014

Unstuff my June

June.  It's June?  Anyway its one month and one day since botox, which means it kicks in NOWREADYGO.  And my brain is so stuffed with which essential oil to use for what and where corn is hiding and whether or not the migraine gene could be in our mitochondrial dna...sometimes I really wish I could get my tattoos.  I'm always excited for new learning, but I also need to remember that I Lack Nothing, and that I will always need to Change And Let Go.  Regardless of the connection between allergies and migraines, or the fact that I am the only one at ground zero in my kids' faces all day, I still need to unstuff my brain so I can sleep at night.  [read:quit blogging at 2AM]

Have mercy, but I am getting genuinely more concerned over the ignorance of America, and the evil which seeks to prevail over this world!  It's nothing new, and I am possibly just becoming more well read as I have little else to do lately, but holy hell.  I wouldn't even know where to begin.  Conversely, dropping 100mg of Topamax feels really good.  Except for the migraine that won't go away.  I thought the better of dropping 200mg after some serious rounds of rescue meds.  So, just a little constant nausea, but I've been eating.  I'll take what I can get.

Speaking of meds, I'm counting on botox et al to get me off so much of the rescue meds.  I will be up a major creek otherwise, the rate I've been going.  No, seriously.  I have to start cutting consumption in half starting today, or I will run out and that has never actually happened before.  So...I really need to learn to quit worrying about stuff.  Which is really REALLY hard to do.

And you know, I had worrying nailed for some time, for quite some time.  Hah!  Thanks to migraines and college.  Migraines and blood sugar and college.  Which was essentially managing suffering, food, and research.  Well, research, problem solving, and rehearsal to be entirely accurate.  I honestly thought I was either going to not finish, or finish poorly due to migraine.  But there was a lot of letting go by necessity, and finish well I did.  And for years it hasn't been this hard to not worry.

Time to remember.  It is way ok to unhinge.  I can do all the crap I need to do during the day, and just unhinge and let it rest at night.  And if the world happens to end while I am resting, hufreakingzzah.  Why was this so hard to recall 3 hours ago?  Stupid verbal processor.  (In my head, this blog is to be read aloud.)

I still think my tattoos would be very cool.

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