Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Bitter, Angry, Exhausted

Imagine with me there's a miracle cure for migraine, but there are only 5 or 6 places in the U.S. that offer this treatment.  Now imagine that one of the places is my ag town. (random, but stay with me.)  Now imagine that my insurance actually approves this treatment and they want me to start Monday.  Monday, like in less than a week Monday, but I can't because it takes a 5-day stint in the hospital for this treatment to work.

Clinic Lady: "You've been approved for treatment, can you start Monday?"
Me:  "...Uh...wow, awesome, but I can't do this until June." *silently weeping*
CL: "Can you tell me why?"
Me: (oh my god) *deep sigh* "I'm a single mom and both my little kids have migraines and food allergies, and they're not even normal food allergies so no one wants to take care of them or can even feed them.  My oldest daughter's migraines are under control with meds but my youngest daughter just went to Stanford because hers are not and we're doubling her new meds tonight and hoping nothing crazy happens and my mom who we live with is a teacher and no one gets out of school until June..." *takes breath*
CL: "Oh wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  Ok well just let us know because approval only takes a couple of days."
Me: *blank stare*

So this "miracle cure" is a thing where they stick you in the hospital and shoot you up with stuff three times a day for 5 days, and it has a stupid high success rate for at the very least, VASTLY IMPROVING YOUR STUPID MIGRAINE LIFE.  So that you don't have a migraine every damn single day.  So you can be a functional human being.  And what were the chances that a headache doctor would come to town?  But one did, and she is literally down the street and around the corner from my effing house.

And I won't be getting treatment on Monday.  And I won't be getting treatment as soon as humanly possible in June because family stuff.  Good, great, amazing stuff, but oh my god, haven't I been fucking tortured long enough?  I'll just be waiting, exhausted and in pain, and I'm having a bit of a hard time with that.  I do not know how to have a good attitude about this.

And having that actual conversation yesterday is killing  me, because it's planting season, I have dirt and seeds, and a kids who can't eat anything who could really REALLY use some variety in her diet, and not an ounce of energy to make boxes and plant anything or even fertilize or haul grey water to the fruit trees we already have.

Really?  Since when was Joss Whedon put in charge of the screenplay?

No comments:

Post a Comment