I'm not sure how we survived today, but we did. I guess it was a series of unscheduled naps, new meds, good old fashioned sucking up the pain, and plenty of the usual awkward conversation. And as much as I hated the aberration in schedule among other things, I'm glad we did it, and I'm glad it's over. We survived the last gd surprise food of the school year *huge eye roll*, and we are officially on summer break, even my mom.
I met a nice parent today, one I don't usually talk to. I suppose that's why she assumed I was married. (never do that plz) That's probably also why the fact that I homeschool one kid for medical reasons came up. She got my address to invite us to a summer birthday party, even after our conversations about food allergies, but I don't know if it's because she said she wanted it at the beginning of the the conversation and she felt obligated or what. Thankfully I didn't spend the whole conversation having to explain our life, so we'll see. I mean, just most of it. But the fact I had a whole conversation is probably a triumph.
See, today is Friday and that normally has us locked in to the Friday farmers market, rain or shine, school activity, migraine or otherwise. But since Sasha failed the blueberries and more people are selling zucchinis now, the Saturday and Sunday markets are more viable shopping options. Selling point one. Also Sasha has been 6 consecutive days without coffee, and 5 of 6 days without any rescue meds at all. Selling point two. HUGE selling point actually. But Debbie Downering the whole thing is the fact that my noggin's been aching for a few days. *smh* But being the last day of school with bonus surprise food I was alerted to at 6:50 this morning, I figured I could suck it up since the other stars were aligned. I'm not sorry. We made it, and Lord willing we'll be able to get all the food we need for Sasha this week between the Saturday and Sunday markets, and if we're really lucky, just the Saturday market.
Seriously, I've been praying and screaming at God for some sort of progress somewhere, anywhere be it food or on the migraine front. Emily has been cruising since December of 2013, and since we cut the gluten and dairy, she has really been doing well. She has even remarked that she can run faster and longer, and keep up with the other kids while playing soccer, not to mention her way improved behavior. Now she's back to her normal stubborn self as opposed to her super awful self. But for Sasha to be nearly a week without rescue meds is something I didn't know if I'd ever see. It's such an intimidating way to live, with these monsters in your brain, and in your children's brains. It's just a waiting game now, wondering how well the meds will work for how long. The monsters will never go away.
I feel like today was sort of like learning how to swim. I've just had to hold on to the wall for so long, and for the first time in a long time, I was able to let go for just a moment. I splashed around, got a stitch in my side, swallowed a bunch of water, and got back to the side as quickly as possible. I definitely had to take rescue meds when we got home today, and I'm still waiting for the DHE to kick in fully. Two more weeks and we'll see. But I've got more physical therapy coming, and I'm going to meditate my face off if it kills me. If Sasha is feeling human again, that really opens up some options, even if her diet is still insanely limited.
I do hope my head stops hurting tomorrow. We have a lot of cleaning and we'll have a lot of food processing to do. Plus it sucks ass when your head has hurt for days and days in a row. Also I want to enjoy the excitement of life again. I remember loving life, rafting, swimming the rapids, and jumping off rocks into the water even though it scared me. Holy geeze, I used to surf! Never very well at ALL, but I would dream of being tumbled in a wave and those were good dreams. It would be great to get back in the water tomorrow.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
l'Hôpital
So, hospital week. My left arm looks like it's been run over by a car. There is tape remnant all over it as well as the other arm and my torso from the heart monitor, but my left arm is bruised up from the failed IV attempts. And that tape is nasty crap that doesn't come off but with a hard scrubbing with alcohol. Actually, 5 days out and some of it is starting to pick off, but only just. I try to wear long sleeves so as not to be reminded of my stay. I'll tell you the good things first.
1. Everyone was super nice. That goes from my doctor to every single nurse to the kitchen staff to the lady who cleaned the room. Absolutely stellar. I felt very cared for and I couldn't ask for better.
2. The food was good, tho I had no appetite for it.
3. I had some lovely visits from friends and family, and of course my mom brought my babies to see me every day and sometimes twice.
Everything else about my stay sucked. I threw up a couple of times while we tried to figure out how to best get the DHE into my system. We got it figured out finally, and then had to stay on top of another common side effect, diarrhea. So basically it was coming out both ends. This required meds on meds on meds, which meant all the stuff I brought to occupy me was worthless, as I was a giant med zombie the whole time, stuck in a room, attached to wires coming off both arms and my chest. This is an interesting conundrum because while you're wired and drugged, they want you to "get up and move around" so you don't get blood clots in your legs and die.
So besides having things coming out both ends while simultaneously being covered in wires, then having to keep said wires out of the toilet during clean up, I had to be a giant wired med-zombie, stuck in a room, forcing myself to walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. For 5 days. I watched 3 movies, read a few pages of one book that I brought, and that's all. Oh, I did manage to knit a little on my super easiest knitting. Gah, even writing and proofreading about it makes my stomach a little nauseated...
It was challenging to not lose it. The nurses kept trying to entice me to eat and kept asking if I wanted crackers or a starbucks run. I just wanted to go home. It was such a mental battle. Good thing my mentals are used to battling.
Oh, and forget any meaningful sleep while in hospital, so throw that onto the med zombie. So when I got home, I crashed for a couple of days, and kept waking up thinking I was still attached to wires. Then yesterday I had to take Sasha to her follow up at Standford, where I learned we will be upping the dosage of her new useless meds by 50%, in the hopes that somehow THIS time they will work. That was so worth the all night migraine I had. *eye roll*
So anyway, the DHE infusions I endured at the hospital for 5 days can take up to a month to kick in. But already I feel different. More functional to be sure. It's hard to know how to take life at this point since I tend to overdo things the minute I am able. I had to take Sasha to Stanford, so that one's on the universe. It'll be interesting to see how things progress from here. I'm hoping for no more migraines obviously. I'll be keeping up with the physical therapy for now, and waiting for the infusions to kick in. Thankfully it was a one and done situation, where I don't EVER have to go back to the hospital for that. I swear I will never take peeing for granted again.
1. Everyone was super nice. That goes from my doctor to every single nurse to the kitchen staff to the lady who cleaned the room. Absolutely stellar. I felt very cared for and I couldn't ask for better.
2. The food was good, tho I had no appetite for it.
3. I had some lovely visits from friends and family, and of course my mom brought my babies to see me every day and sometimes twice.
Everything else about my stay sucked. I threw up a couple of times while we tried to figure out how to best get the DHE into my system. We got it figured out finally, and then had to stay on top of another common side effect, diarrhea. So basically it was coming out both ends. This required meds on meds on meds, which meant all the stuff I brought to occupy me was worthless, as I was a giant med zombie the whole time, stuck in a room, attached to wires coming off both arms and my chest. This is an interesting conundrum because while you're wired and drugged, they want you to "get up and move around" so you don't get blood clots in your legs and die.
So besides having things coming out both ends while simultaneously being covered in wires, then having to keep said wires out of the toilet during clean up, I had to be a giant wired med-zombie, stuck in a room, forcing myself to walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. For 5 days. I watched 3 movies, read a few pages of one book that I brought, and that's all. Oh, I did manage to knit a little on my super easiest knitting. Gah, even writing and proofreading about it makes my stomach a little nauseated...
It was challenging to not lose it. The nurses kept trying to entice me to eat and kept asking if I wanted crackers or a starbucks run. I just wanted to go home. It was such a mental battle. Good thing my mentals are used to battling.
Oh, and forget any meaningful sleep while in hospital, so throw that onto the med zombie. So when I got home, I crashed for a couple of days, and kept waking up thinking I was still attached to wires. Then yesterday I had to take Sasha to her follow up at Standford, where I learned we will be upping the dosage of her new useless meds by 50%, in the hopes that somehow THIS time they will work. That was so worth the all night migraine I had. *eye roll*
So anyway, the DHE infusions I endured at the hospital for 5 days can take up to a month to kick in. But already I feel different. More functional to be sure. It's hard to know how to take life at this point since I tend to overdo things the minute I am able. I had to take Sasha to Stanford, so that one's on the universe. It'll be interesting to see how things progress from here. I'm hoping for no more migraines obviously. I'll be keeping up with the physical therapy for now, and waiting for the infusions to kick in. Thankfully it was a one and done situation, where I don't EVER have to go back to the hospital for that. I swear I will never take peeing for granted again.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Two Year Cocktail
Stranger things have happened I guess. The last time I went four days in a row without rescue meds was November of last year. Today is pushing six days sans the meds, which might actually be a two year record. What feels different about this stretch is that I'm still tired. I still don't feel good, and I guess that's what gives me hope. Maybe that's what's even prolonging it. Typically I start to feel good, see the madness around me and do what I can to overcome it in any degree, and then sink again into migraine. So maybe Topamax plus Melatonin is my magic cocktail, for now anyway.
Cured I am not yet but if you can break that cycle and give the brain a chance to stop going crazy, it can only be a good thing. And I count it a victory for sure, even tho nothing's been planted in the garden and I don't feel six days worth of productive in a typical sense. Six days doesn't erase a life long battle with migraine, nor sixteen years of chronic insano migraine brain. But interestingly enough, it came just in time to deal with a few things.
One of those things is early hormone week. Like, really early hormone week. Is that a side-effect of Melatonin? I'll have to do some more research. I don't have all the things memorized on that shnazz yet. Still, I haven't run into the typical hormone migraine, and that's unheard of. Absolutely unheard of except for one other time in the past sixteen years so, bonus. Another fun thing I've been dealing with is Sasha's stomach. A week into doubling her new med, her migraine has gone mostly abdominal. Well, it starts abdominal and then moves into her head for the evening. I'm going to call it progress because at least we're messing with her. And that means Sasha and I have been trying to avoid her rescue meds all day with ice, essential oils, baths, and general distraction. That takes effort, lemme tell you. That goes on top of the constant feeding, of course.
But probably the most eye-rolling thing to deal with this week is the girls' dad's baby-momma. She got it in her head to be upset with me and I'm not really sure why. I think it has mainly to do with the fact that she is followed around by a life time of bad decisions which include the fact that my worst decision (steven) is her best one, and he still owes me money. So out of nowhere she started facebook messaging me. (: It's mostly hilarious, but also mildly distracting from my real life. I emailed her third baby daddy (steven) and asked him to take care of it, and to remind her that I've paid off his credit card twice, and put money into his bank account a few time. *huge eye roll* But who's keeping score? Not her apparently.
So I guess all told, not a bad week? I mean, yes more (forever and ever) asinine school emails about food in the class, and no, we're not all cured from migraine and yes we all still eat like the freaks we are, but it could be and has been worse. Did I forget to mention the birthday food again with the late notice change of plans? Not even worth it. I am however playing guitar this week. Always worth it.
Cured I am not yet but if you can break that cycle and give the brain a chance to stop going crazy, it can only be a good thing. And I count it a victory for sure, even tho nothing's been planted in the garden and I don't feel six days worth of productive in a typical sense. Six days doesn't erase a life long battle with migraine, nor sixteen years of chronic insano migraine brain. But interestingly enough, it came just in time to deal with a few things.
One of those things is early hormone week. Like, really early hormone week. Is that a side-effect of Melatonin? I'll have to do some more research. I don't have all the things memorized on that shnazz yet. Still, I haven't run into the typical hormone migraine, and that's unheard of. Absolutely unheard of except for one other time in the past sixteen years so, bonus. Another fun thing I've been dealing with is Sasha's stomach. A week into doubling her new med, her migraine has gone mostly abdominal. Well, it starts abdominal and then moves into her head for the evening. I'm going to call it progress because at least we're messing with her. And that means Sasha and I have been trying to avoid her rescue meds all day with ice, essential oils, baths, and general distraction. That takes effort, lemme tell you. That goes on top of the constant feeding, of course.
But probably the most eye-rolling thing to deal with this week is the girls' dad's baby-momma. She got it in her head to be upset with me and I'm not really sure why. I think it has mainly to do with the fact that she is followed around by a life time of bad decisions which include the fact that my worst decision (steven) is her best one, and he still owes me money. So out of nowhere she started facebook messaging me. (: It's mostly hilarious, but also mildly distracting from my real life. I emailed her third baby daddy (steven) and asked him to take care of it, and to remind her that I've paid off his credit card twice, and put money into his bank account a few time. *huge eye roll* But who's keeping score? Not her apparently.
So I guess all told, not a bad week? I mean, yes more (forever and ever) asinine school emails about food in the class, and no, we're not all cured from migraine and yes we all still eat like the freaks we are, but it could be and has been worse. Did I forget to mention the birthday food again with the late notice change of plans? Not even worth it. I am however playing guitar this week. Always worth it.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Bitter, Angry, Exhausted
Imagine with me there's a miracle cure for migraine, but there are only 5 or 6 places in the U.S. that offer this treatment. Now imagine that one of the places is my ag town. (random, but stay with me.) Now imagine that my insurance actually approves this treatment and they want me to start Monday. Monday, like in less than a week Monday, but I can't because it takes a 5-day stint in the hospital for this treatment to work.
Clinic Lady: "You've been approved for treatment, can you start Monday?"
Me: "...Uh...wow, awesome, but I can't do this until June." *silently weeping*
CL: "Can you tell me why?"
Me: (oh my god) *deep sigh* "I'm a single mom and both my little kids have migraines and food allergies, and they're not even normal food allergies so no one wants to take care of them or can even feed them. My oldest daughter's migraines are under control with meds but my youngest daughter just went to Stanford because hers are not and we're doubling her new meds tonight and hoping nothing crazy happens and my mom who we live with is a teacher and no one gets out of school until June..." *takes breath*
CL: "Oh wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Ok well just let us know because approval only takes a couple of days."
Me: *blank stare*
So this "miracle cure" is a thing where they stick you in the hospital and shoot you up with stuff three times a day for 5 days, and it has a stupid high success rate for at the very least, VASTLY IMPROVING YOUR STUPID MIGRAINE LIFE. So that you don't have a migraine every damn single day. So you can be a functional human being. And what were the chances that a headache doctor would come to town? But one did, and she is literally down the street and around the corner from my effing house.
And I won't be getting treatment on Monday. And I won't be getting treatment as soon as humanly possible in June because family stuff. Good, great, amazing stuff, but oh my god, haven't I been fucking tortured long enough? I'll just be waiting, exhausted and in pain, and I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. I do not know how to have a good attitude about this.
And having that actual conversation yesterday is killing me, because it's planting season, I have dirt and seeds, and a kids who can't eat anything who could really REALLY use some variety in her diet, and not an ounce of energy to make boxes and plant anything or even fertilize or haul grey water to the fruit trees we already have.
Really? Since when was Joss Whedon put in charge of the screenplay?
Clinic Lady: "You've been approved for treatment, can you start Monday?"
Me: "...Uh...wow, awesome, but I can't do this until June." *silently weeping*
CL: "Can you tell me why?"
Me: (oh my god) *deep sigh* "I'm a single mom and both my little kids have migraines and food allergies, and they're not even normal food allergies so no one wants to take care of them or can even feed them. My oldest daughter's migraines are under control with meds but my youngest daughter just went to Stanford because hers are not and we're doubling her new meds tonight and hoping nothing crazy happens and my mom who we live with is a teacher and no one gets out of school until June..." *takes breath*
CL: "Oh wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Ok well just let us know because approval only takes a couple of days."
Me: *blank stare*
So this "miracle cure" is a thing where they stick you in the hospital and shoot you up with stuff three times a day for 5 days, and it has a stupid high success rate for at the very least, VASTLY IMPROVING YOUR STUPID MIGRAINE LIFE. So that you don't have a migraine every damn single day. So you can be a functional human being. And what were the chances that a headache doctor would come to town? But one did, and she is literally down the street and around the corner from my effing house.
And I won't be getting treatment on Monday. And I won't be getting treatment as soon as humanly possible in June because family stuff. Good, great, amazing stuff, but oh my god, haven't I been fucking tortured long enough? I'll just be waiting, exhausted and in pain, and I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. I do not know how to have a good attitude about this.
And having that actual conversation yesterday is killing me, because it's planting season, I have dirt and seeds, and a kids who can't eat anything who could really REALLY use some variety in her diet, and not an ounce of energy to make boxes and plant anything or even fertilize or haul grey water to the fruit trees we already have.
Really? Since when was Joss Whedon put in charge of the screenplay?
Monday, March 30, 2015
Spring Transplant
I get a brain transplant tomorrow, which is my brain's hilarious way of saying nerve-block. It's some kind of combination, residual side-effect of too much daily Topamax, plus recovery from the hellgraine when I didn't take my normal rescue med a couple of days ago. It has been difficult to distinguish between the normal transient aphasia that comes as a precursor to full blown migraine, and "Dopamax Syndrome", where you can't find the word you want or the wrong word comes out. Either way, making good words has been more difficult overall for the past few days. But on the grand upside, I haven't taken any rescue meds going on two days!
Confession: I'm a little worried about tomorrow's physical therapy followed by the nerve-block. I'm not afraid of needles, but since I'm supposed to be weaning down to a LOT LESS rescue meds, I have a lot of questions, which can really be boiled down to the main question, will I ever stop getting migraines, or even will I ever stop getting enough migraines all the time so as to enable me to function at least quasi-normally? These questions can be even further broken down.
-- Will the nerve block work?
-- If the nerve block works to stop the migraine, will they just come back worse as they always do when they seem to stop and I become temporarily functional?
-- Maybe between physical therapy AND the nerve block this time will be different. No really, this time...
-- Am I going to curse heaven and hell more than I already do for ever letting me get my hopes up?
-- At what point does traumatic stress turn into post-traumatic stress disorder, or can you just stay in traumatic stress forever and if you do will your kids still be functional humans?
Honestly, I'm afraid to even start thinking again. I have so many more questions. We don't even have Sasha's new meds to try yet, although that should happen sometime this week. (I adore our pharmacy, so much.) My main feeling is exhaustion, and my main thought is questions and trepidation. That's probably normal when great amounts of change are on the horizon. And we are beyond desperate for change. I'm so tired physically, and so tired of fielding people's questions and having to figure things out, see this is why Disney is still in business. (Rescue and magic, and of course buying out all the great franchises like Star Wars and Muppets) Don't get me wrong, I miss talking to people. I'm just tired of our life.
A brain transplant is starting to sound pretty good actually. I'm glad it's spring break, that's one less thing to deal with. (school) And next week is my mom's spring break, so if it hits the fan with all this nerve blocking and med juggling, at least I won't have truant officers at the house. I'm starting to feel a little bit like Bob in What About Bob, as I chant to myself, "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful..."
Hey, did you know that melatonin is being used as a migraine preventative? Neurologist number 4 now associated with my family is all kinds of cutting edge. I really am [cautiously]hopeful. And also taking melatonin.
Confession: I'm a little worried about tomorrow's physical therapy followed by the nerve-block. I'm not afraid of needles, but since I'm supposed to be weaning down to a LOT LESS rescue meds, I have a lot of questions, which can really be boiled down to the main question, will I ever stop getting migraines, or even will I ever stop getting enough migraines all the time so as to enable me to function at least quasi-normally? These questions can be even further broken down.
-- Will the nerve block work?
-- If the nerve block works to stop the migraine, will they just come back worse as they always do when they seem to stop and I become temporarily functional?
-- Maybe between physical therapy AND the nerve block this time will be different. No really, this time...
-- Am I going to curse heaven and hell more than I already do for ever letting me get my hopes up?
-- At what point does traumatic stress turn into post-traumatic stress disorder, or can you just stay in traumatic stress forever and if you do will your kids still be functional humans?
Honestly, I'm afraid to even start thinking again. I have so many more questions. We don't even have Sasha's new meds to try yet, although that should happen sometime this week. (I adore our pharmacy, so much.) My main feeling is exhaustion, and my main thought is questions and trepidation. That's probably normal when great amounts of change are on the horizon. And we are beyond desperate for change. I'm so tired physically, and so tired of fielding people's questions and having to figure things out, see this is why Disney is still in business. (Rescue and magic, and of course buying out all the great franchises like Star Wars and Muppets) Don't get me wrong, I miss talking to people. I'm just tired of our life.
A brain transplant is starting to sound pretty good actually. I'm glad it's spring break, that's one less thing to deal with. (school) And next week is my mom's spring break, so if it hits the fan with all this nerve blocking and med juggling, at least I won't have truant officers at the house. I'm starting to feel a little bit like Bob in What About Bob, as I chant to myself, "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful..."
Hey, did you know that melatonin is being used as a migraine preventative? Neurologist number 4 now associated with my family is all kinds of cutting edge. I really am [cautiously]hopeful. And also taking melatonin.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Just another school letter
M.________, Prinipal _________
Every year of Emily’s school life at __________, we have had nuts, peanuts and peanut butter in the classroom. The worst and scariest incident happened when the teacher who had her for two years in a row handed out bags of trail mix (80% nuts) to everyone sitting around her, and then tried to hide it from me. Emily could easily have gone to the hospital or just stopped breathing that day. Emily is contact and airborne sensitive. The more food we have in the classroom, the easier it is to forget. Unless you have an allergic child, there is no possible way for you to understand. All it takes is one parent to slip, and we have a problem. Kinder through second grade, we have had a problem every single year without fail.
At the beginning of this year, I almost cried with joy when M. _______ announced at the welcome night for parents there would be no surprise birthday food or snacks in the classroom. Imagine my confusion and fury when I come home to an email on Friday when SURPRISE BIRTHDAY FOOD had already taken place! I am still trying to process the fact that there will be snacks in the class on Monday, something I only received warning about on Thursday. That is already a short time-frame considering that Emily is my easy allergy kid, and our weekends are spent at farmers markets purchasing and processing food for her younger sister Sasha. Sasha can only eat food from specific vendors are the farmers markets that are uncontaminated with corn products. Her diet is extremely limited and her migraines are out of control at present, which is why she no longer attends kindergarten at _______.
Clearly, the no-food policy in M. _____’ classroom has changed, and I am extremely upset at having that sprung on me with absolutely no warning. I’m thinking if you’re going to lie to a population in a classroom, lie to the ones who can already go to restaurant and eat at the drop of a hat, or to the ones who take vacations ever because they have safe sources of food and water. Maybe don’t lie to the ones who have three different neurologists, who have to plan every move as if it were going overseas, even if it’s just running errands. And if there is a change in food policy, for the love of god, give me warning so that for the 4th year in a row Emily isn’t excluded every damn week. Food is already our enemy, please don’t make it the thoughtlessness of people too.
Charli
Emily's Mom
Friday, February 6, 2015
Hacktastical
My God, how you guys do it? Live and breathe and make it I mean. My bank card was recently hacked. I already got my new card, and reimbursement for half the amount I lost. I don't know why only half. I guess I could blow energy trying for the 40 bucks that I'm supposedly guaranteed, but I really need that time and energy to freeze my credit and stuff because my insurance company was also recently hacked. And what energy and time I have left needs to go to finish collecting/arranging all the papers to get back the few thousand dollars my other insurance has so far refused to reimburse me. It's just..I don't...shit like this makes me want to die.
In better news, Sasha learned how to air up a car tire, and also the rabbit poo is decomposing nicely. I'm otherwise flabbergasted. It definitely feels like I'm starting to live more lately, but with returning more to life always come an almost equal amount of...uh...life to deal with I guess. So with three months of [I can't believe I'm saying this again] literally the longest and most migraines I've ever had all together, predictably comes the worst and most difficult recovery. And all the reading suggests I should be at a rehab facility in Germany doing biofeedback for a month. *shrugs* But what can you do?
I played my violin the other day though, for about five minutes. Well, ten if you include tuning. Never would have guessed that my own kids would be impressed. It should be normal for them, they should be annoyed even! I taught violin until about a week before I gave birth to Emily. Sasha wants me to teach her. [string of VERY offensive expletives and gibberish about energy, migraines, and "the system"]
There must be a practical way to navigate the darkest valley, or rather to start seeing the light again without dropping in pain and exhaustion. Being photo sensitive due to chronic migraine makes it extra tricky, especially when you drop your shades in the toilet. No big, that's what soap is for right? Wash the toilet water off the shades, apply them to your face, and head to the market. I suppose any amount of 'fall back and re-group' still counts as fight as long as you don't leave the shades floating in the toilet. That's a big deal in a house with one bathroom.
So, now to process: food, hacked information, potentially hacked information, information between hacked entity and jacked entity, and don't get any more migraines readygo! But maybe a shower first, just in case any residual toilet water is clogging my pores.
In better news, Sasha learned how to air up a car tire, and also the rabbit poo is decomposing nicely. I'm otherwise flabbergasted. It definitely feels like I'm starting to live more lately, but with returning more to life always come an almost equal amount of...uh...life to deal with I guess. So with three months of [I can't believe I'm saying this again] literally the longest and most migraines I've ever had all together, predictably comes the worst and most difficult recovery. And all the reading suggests I should be at a rehab facility in Germany doing biofeedback for a month. *shrugs* But what can you do?
I played my violin the other day though, for about five minutes. Well, ten if you include tuning. Never would have guessed that my own kids would be impressed. It should be normal for them, they should be annoyed even! I taught violin until about a week before I gave birth to Emily. Sasha wants me to teach her. [string of VERY offensive expletives and gibberish about energy, migraines, and "the system"]
There must be a practical way to navigate the darkest valley, or rather to start seeing the light again without dropping in pain and exhaustion. Being photo sensitive due to chronic migraine makes it extra tricky, especially when you drop your shades in the toilet. No big, that's what soap is for right? Wash the toilet water off the shades, apply them to your face, and head to the market. I suppose any amount of 'fall back and re-group' still counts as fight as long as you don't leave the shades floating in the toilet. That's a big deal in a house with one bathroom.
So, now to process: food, hacked information, potentially hacked information, information between hacked entity and jacked entity, and don't get any more migraines readygo! But maybe a shower first, just in case any residual toilet water is clogging my pores.
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