Spring Transplant

I get a brain transplant tomorrow, which is my brain's hilarious way of saying nerve-block.  It's some kind of combination, residual side-effect of too much daily Topamax, plus recovery from the hellgraine when I didn't take my normal rescue med a couple of days ago.  It has been difficult to distinguish between the normal transient aphasia that comes as a precursor to full blown migraine, and "Dopamax Syndrome", where you can't find the word you want or the wrong word comes out.  Either way, making good words has been more difficult overall for the past few days.  But on the grand upside, I haven't taken any rescue meds going on two days!

Confession:  I'm a little worried about tomorrow's physical therapy followed by the nerve-block.  I'm not afraid of needles, but since I'm supposed to be weaning down to a LOT LESS rescue meds, I have a lot of questions, which can really be boiled down to the main question, will I ever stop getting migraines, or even will I ever stop getting enough migraines all the time so as to enable me to function at least quasi-normally?  These questions can be even further broken down.

-- Will the nerve block work?
-- If the nerve block works to stop the migraine, will they just come back worse as they always do when they seem to stop and I become temporarily functional?
-- Maybe between physical therapy AND the nerve block this time will be different.  No really, this time...
-- Am I going to curse heaven and hell more than I already do for ever letting me get my hopes up?
-- At what point does traumatic stress turn into post-traumatic stress disorder, or can you just stay in traumatic stress forever and if you do will your kids still be functional humans?

Honestly, I'm afraid to even start thinking again.  I have so many more questions.  We don't even have Sasha's new meds to try yet, although that should happen sometime this week.  (I adore our pharmacy, so much.)  My main feeling is exhaustion, and my main thought is questions and trepidation.  That's probably normal when great amounts of change are on the horizon.  And we are beyond desperate for change.  I'm so tired physically, and so tired of fielding people's questions and having to figure things out, see this is why Disney is still in business.  (Rescue and magic, and of course buying out all the great franchises like Star Wars and Muppets)  Don't get me wrong, I miss talking to people.  I'm just tired of our life.

A brain transplant is starting to sound pretty good actually.  I'm glad it's spring break, that's one less thing to deal with.  (school) And next week is my mom's spring break, so if it hits the fan with all this nerve blocking and med juggling, at least I won't have truant officers at the house.   I'm starting to feel a little bit like Bob in What About Bob, as I chant to myself, "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful..."

Hey, did you know that melatonin is being used as a migraine preventative?  Neurologist number 4 now associated with my family is all kinds of cutting edge.  I really am [cautiously]hopeful.  And also taking melatonin.