Something happened. Looking back on my migraine journal and blog, I now recall why the phrase Sucktember comes to mind. We here on the central coast enjoy a late summer, basically as soon as real summer starts winding down into fall BAM! And we have gotten hammered this year with heat and fluctuating barometric pressure. My physical therapist specializes in foot, neck and head pain, which is something you can't even do in other parts of the country! It seems we are specialized for head pain, my body is specialized for head pain, and this is the annual month of reckoning, progress be damned.
I had been making great progress since April, typically another arch enemy month. But somewhere between starting homeschool in earnest, learning to can pears, and Sasha tanking, I went from 7 total rescue med days last month to 11 so far this month, the last 4 consecutive. 4 consecutive rescue med days hasn't happened since June, during hormone week when I spent two of those days staring at the great glowing orb above me in the dentist chair, and before that it hadn't happened since February. *string of highly creative expletives*
Pear season is short, gotta can pears for the year. Sasha's new neurologist appointment is Monday, gotta fill out all the appropriate paperwork for that, plan and pack all the food water and meds, and deal with the aftermath of the drive there and back plus the skipped nap. *more expletives* At least the appointment is still a go after the *expletiving* time spent on the phone working out the insurance mix-up. But oh my god, now we are SERIOUSLY homeschooling, and I, COULD, NOT, HATE, HOMESCHOOL, MORE. It is a toxic energy suck. Don't get me wrong, I love education and educating. And boy, does Sasha love learning! Bonus, the homeschool group or whatever I'm using is super supportive and amazing and helpful and wonderful. But [creative expletiving] do we ever not have the health and well-being for it at present. It's just a fucking never-ending nightmare. We need to stop getting migraines to be able to do school PLUS the stupid amounts of food prep required for Sasha's survival! Maybe Monday's appointment will bring the magic bullet that cures my baby...or at least the magic car crash that cures all our ills?
Assuming we don't meet our maker, Sucktember will end and hopefully beyond hope, we can start anew in Rocktober. But if Craptober awaits, then maybe I'll try to grow a moustache in Movember and we'll just take it from there. Maybe Sasha doesn't need to go to first grade at all. Maybe I'm not entirely convinced she's going to survive childhood or have a "productive" adulthood even if she does make it. Probably I should just work on getting her DogLand stories marketed and into print, and put the money away for her so she doesn't die unemployed, homeless, and in pain. So maybe I'll get on that after zucchini season ends and pear season ends. #DogLand2016, assuming survival readygo!
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Several Cans
Homeschooling is kicking my ass. Sasha's a great student and apparently I'm a decent teacher. But it takes energy.
Canning pears is kicking my ass. It's not...difficult, but it is meticulous and time-consuming and exact and hot. And it also takes energy.
We should have enough dried zucchini chips soon. 68 half-gallon jars isn't quite enough to get us to next zucchini season, but it's getting close, assuming all our math is correct. Not bad for dehydrating since the middle of June. I wonder how many hours of work that accounts for? Thankfully my mom is the peeling queen. (cue ABBA)
Sasha needs to stop getting migraines. I'm waiting on a transfer to a pediatric headache specialist. [read:Sasha's 3d neurologist, more paperwork] I'd like Sasha to be able to eat more food, sure. But technically she has food to eat, be it stupid limited, stupid expensive, and completely unreasonable to procure. However, she NEEDS to stop getting migraines. It's killing me. Thankfully she still plays and reads and eats and pees and poops. But it's absofuckinglutely killing me, because I have to deal with her and take care of her and give[make] her meds and train her to deal with pain and how to relax and meditate and do occasional vomit cleanup etc., quite often with a migraine myself. We are all going to die if she doesn't stop getting migraines.
And now between homeschool (which I honestly hate because it takes all my energy away) and food prep, I'm climbing back up the migraine ladder again. So I added a new med, we'll see if it helps.
I want Sasha to stop getting migraines and to be able to attend school. Then my limited energy can go toward growing/preserving food/trying to remember what it's like to be a human being. Assuming I have to homeschool her for this entire year and I somehow DON'T get a household staff of any number, I don't see how we are going to come away from this in any sort of good way. Everything costs more time and money and energy than I currently have.
I have a really hard time half-assing things, and there's too much accountability to half-ass school anyway.
We absolutely cannot half-ass food, or Sasha literally will not eat.
I haven't been to pilates in two weeks and I don't see my self going back until pear season is over at the earliest, which sucks and will only NOT help, but something's gotta give and I can't half-ass school or food.
So that's it. One of us has got to stop getting migraines and achieve neuro-typical functionality. That is the only logical answer. <Readygo>
Canning pears is kicking my ass. It's not...difficult, but it is meticulous and time-consuming and exact and hot. And it also takes energy.
We should have enough dried zucchini chips soon. 68 half-gallon jars isn't quite enough to get us to next zucchini season, but it's getting close, assuming all our math is correct. Not bad for dehydrating since the middle of June. I wonder how many hours of work that accounts for? Thankfully my mom is the peeling queen. (cue ABBA)
Sasha needs to stop getting migraines. I'm waiting on a transfer to a pediatric headache specialist. [read:Sasha's 3d neurologist, more paperwork] I'd like Sasha to be able to eat more food, sure. But technically she has food to eat, be it stupid limited, stupid expensive, and completely unreasonable to procure. However, she NEEDS to stop getting migraines. It's killing me. Thankfully she still plays and reads and eats and pees and poops. But it's absofuckinglutely killing me, because I have to deal with her and take care of her and give[make] her meds and train her to deal with pain and how to relax and meditate and do occasional vomit cleanup etc., quite often with a migraine myself. We are all going to die if she doesn't stop getting migraines.
And now between homeschool (which I honestly hate because it takes all my energy away) and food prep, I'm climbing back up the migraine ladder again. So I added a new med, we'll see if it helps.
I want Sasha to stop getting migraines and to be able to attend school. Then my limited energy can go toward growing/preserving food/trying to remember what it's like to be a human being. Assuming I have to homeschool her for this entire year and I somehow DON'T get a household staff of any number, I don't see how we are going to come away from this in any sort of good way. Everything costs more time and money and energy than I currently have.
I have a really hard time half-assing things, and there's too much accountability to half-ass school anyway.
We absolutely cannot half-ass food, or Sasha literally will not eat.
I haven't been to pilates in two weeks and I don't see my self going back until pear season is over at the earliest, which sucks and will only NOT help, but something's gotta give and I can't half-ass school or food.
So that's it. One of us has got to stop getting migraines and achieve neuro-typical functionality. That is the only logical answer. <Readygo>
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